With its inevitability and common occurrence in one’s “normal” representation of what life is, one would think we as a species would understand its most basic forms and functions from countless examples over thousands of years.
mar∙riage /’merji/ noun 1. the legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman 2. a combination or mixture of two or more elements.
As you can tell I like to start with someone else’s understanding of some abstract topic and mutate it into what I really find interesting and useful. I do remember Dad saying that imitation is the greatest form of flattery but improvisation is the greatest representation of creativity. There has always “been” in our world.
So excuse the selfishness but I like No. 2: a combination or mixture of two or more elements. Because after all, the introduction of cooties in the third grade along with an understanding of the gist behind my mother’s prized Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus page-turner, meant my view of women placed them securely as an alien element to my own being.
This developed respect for my gender counterpart meant I always viewed marriage the same way I did Linear Algebra or Differential EQ, terrifying yet not incomprehensible, complicated but vastly rewarding when understood, and more importantly learned differently by each and every individual. And yes, oh yes was it a struggle with Mrs. Ali.
One that helped me to understand not what I wanted but what I needed. The beauty of my wife is the humility that kept her shy when holding my hand in public after we first met, the fact that she put herself through college and is able to buy whatever it is she desires on her own terms, that I continuously catch myself admiring her in outfits with 3x’s the amount of fabric I see most women her age walking around with nowadays. She’s just different…different in name, different in chemical makeup, different in mindset, different in her elemental being.
J1e2D + A2 = ?
I hope you can excuse me breaking the fourth wall here but how corny is it that I’ve fabricated chemical identities to both my wife and I? Well I’m getting a kick out of it at least, I just figured it’d be easier to align this representation of the mixture of two Ali’s through the chemical reaction that is love to produce the insoluble combination called “marriage”. The dormant philosopher in me can only point out how intertwined this woman has become to not only my mental outlook on life but her necessity to my physical well-being (This means that I would literally go crazy and/or die without her).
But in this random, early morning rant of grandiloquence, whoa…big word, I wish to impart unto you not just the fact that I love this goddess dearly but that we should all study the science that is marriage to make sure we find the unfathomable and enigmatic existence that either caused you to get down on one knee, or say yes in that special moment, or even begin to think about spending the rest of your life with another. If man and woman are represented elements in this life than only bonds strong enough to withstand outside pressure and influence can structure the compound that lasts an eternity. This is human preservation at its core.
It is ironic however how quickly life seems to fly by after you’ve found THE compeer that will elevate you to the next cloud of being. Or maybe this never-ending inebriation of love has me truly believing my Cupid/Einstein outlook of a good life is just as important as our first steps on the moon, the invention of the cell phone, or that new Deadpool movie that was actually pretty awesome.
And still I digress….
Amina (in the middle, Ann) Ali, I love you more. More than capable by this frail body, more than the stars I know exist in the sky, more than your love of coffee, more than you know, and more than I’d ever be able to express in any form of avowal possible. To the year you’ve given me and the ones you’ve added to my life, Happy Anniversary once again amor.
This note was recently written by a family member of mine who after a year is continuing to proclaim his love for his wife publicly. With the consent of both parties I was given the right to publish it. The piece itself is mellifluous. There is structure, creativity, captivation. It was truly moving.
This piece sets a great example. There is too much shame and stigma associated with public display of affection in the older generations of many minority populaces. Now, through my own observations those ideologies are trickling down to the newer generations. Yes, there is modesty, humility, and safety in keeping your feelings in a private space. It isn’t necessary to kiss in public, or share every path your relationship on Facebook, but I don’t think people should be shamed for wanting to be expressive about loving the person they made a commitment with.
He believes his wife and him are two different elements that have joined in a bond that he has come to love and understand. Now, unlike J1e2D my understanding of it is incomprehensible. I want so much for myself and have this threshold for the other person just like others my age. But I look at him, his demeanor. There is only compassion that emanates from him. Now, my new cousin (his wife) in her there is intelligence, humility, and a beautiful soul. And as much as we cannot commune frequently it is so apparent how willing both want to work for each other and toward their individual goals. I aspire to have what they have: from the post-it notes they leave in each other’s lunch boxes, the snapchats of their nights out together, and the glow their partnership emits.