Gandhi Complex

I’m in that slump. That slump where I want to give it my all to help out with a great cause but due to circumstances I can’t, which results in this ever-lasting guilt. I have the knowledge but no ability. Think about it, how often is it that anyone finds the motivation to fight for something he or she truly believes in? Or maybe it would be better to say how often does anyone find a person that is ready to commit to a cause they believe in? Also the problem with believing you have the ability to bring change is that when you don’t succeed or people brush off your efforts it feels almost like a fatal blow to the gut. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to persuade others to lend a helping hand, was given a false promise, and left to work twice as hard to compensate for it. Friday, January 31st —————————————————————————————————————————————————————– That slump was ephemeral, and cause for it was believing I wouldn’t be able to volunteer at an awareness counter during National Hijab Day. I was so excited to wear mine for the day and see whether the treatment others showed me would be different as well as educate others about the reasoning behind it. Last minute after contacting people and figuring out time schedules I came to realization that I might actually miss out on the chance to show others. THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY YOU COULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD THE ANXIETY IT BROUGHT. These slumps render my very existence as useless. When they bear their weight I don’t want to do homework, I don’t want to be happy, I don’t wish to exist. Sounds very overdramatic, yes? But it bothers me to have the opportunity to do anything and not be able to do it. And yes, I know I can’t save the world or always make the change I want, but it’s worth trying. THIS IS THE GANDHI COMPLEX. But everything worked out in the end…

'Homebound'  Photo taken by Amani Abuhamra

Photo taken by Amani Abuhamra





2 thoughts on “Gandhi Complex

  1. It is very frustrating when people don’t follow through, especially if you have an emotional connection to that person outside of a volunteer opportunity. In this case, you know what that that person is capable of and you have faith that that person will treat you as you would treat yourself. I think that this lesson is one that is learned a few times until you realize that you need to expect people to not always follow through. This experience is something that will help you become a better leader in the future! 🙂 But that you felt this means that you have a very big heart! 🙂 That’s also a great quality for a leader, but it can also be a crutch sometimes. Learn from this experience and allow it to help you find your strength/weaknesses then grow from it. 🙂 You got this!

    God bless!

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